Does sex complicate things?

Dear Aphrodite:

I will not apologize this time. I love every moment of contributing to this blog; however life is just really hard sometimes and 24 hours is not enough. I have been crazy trying to achieve my goals and dreams and I have not had the time to think about some things that I know is happening around me. Important things, however. But there is a subject that I think I spent quite some time thinking about these days: sex vs. constructing a relationship. I will explain to you what I mean by it.

I do not think that the guy that I was interested wants anything with me. Fine. But, I am sharing this to a friend and she says that the reason for this is that I had sex with him too soon (after going out with him 3 times). See, it is not the first time I hear this. And every time I hear this comment I cannot believe that this is true. I mean, we are on the 21st century for god's sake and I cannot believe that people do not think that you can build a relationship just because you have had sex before, I don't know, 3 meetings, maybe. I mean what is the amount of time necessary to spend with someone before you can have sex? Is there a rule? If you are attracted to the person what do you do? Hold your feelings, wait until it is appropriate to go forward, keep wondering if they both will connect emotionally and sexually? I am not sure. The way I see is this is Sex (cap letters) is something very simple. I know people think that it complicates things. But I do not think so. I think it can be part of getting to know someone, sharing. But, I also think that because people see sex as something complicated, a barrier even, I can understand why I hear so many people saying that you should not have sex right away, and wait until you are crawling up the wall and you can explode of desire for the other person. That is just painful!!!

See I am not like that. I am not good at playing games, playing hard to catch, or complicating things. I hate to hold my feelings, to not be able to do what I feel like doing, to be reserve, and behave like a lady should behave (what is that suppose to mean anyways?). I am really upset about that. It made me cry. I feel like I cannot be me because I can scare, give the impression that I am reckless, or that I do not care. I also think that men, and particularly women, should change this way of thinking. I know that not all men and women think that way. I know this is not an universal rule, but you go through a lot of disappointment until you find someone that understand self-expression. Not a lot of people like secure, self-assuring women. Other women just think that they are too much, whores, or not well-behaved; men think that they are whores, hard to handle, or can leave them very fast. We need to move away from this. And I think we can only do that when we are secure about ourselves. This way we do not feel overpowered by the other person, no jealousy, no resentment. I can say to myself that I have achieved a great place in my life, I am doing what I chose to do for the rest of my life (I hope!!), I love what I do. And I think that not a lot of people feel that way. This can bring a lot of insecurity if you are with someone that does not have any idea what he/she wants, like, care. I am secure about my feelings, but sometimes when the world tries to complicate things I doubt myself. And that makes me sad. It frustrates me, makes me claustrophobic.

I am really tired of trying to be someone else because people think that i am too much, I overwhelm them, it is not appropriate for a lady. I am going to be me. I love be intense, I am passionate about my things, I overdo, I am a social butterfly, I like to talk to people, I like sex, I enjoy love, I can kiss the entire day, I do not care. You should enjoy people every moment of your life. You do not know when they are going to be there next time. Enjoy them like there is no tomorrow.

I am me and I like what I see. And I am not giving this up for people that cannot understand the benefits of uncomplicated joy.

With uncomplicated love,
Athenas

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