“Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.”

Dear Aphrodite:


I am so sorry for taking so long in answering your last letter. I think I've got caught up with life. John Lennon has this great quote, it is actually a music, Beautiful Boy, that says: “Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.” I think so. And the reason that I have stalled writing this letter is because I have not thought about my life lately. Unfortunately, it has happened to me before. I have told a lot of things about my last relationship, but I did not tell you why I think (this is what I tell to myself) it last for so long. Part of it was that I was busy doing other things. Trying to be independent, to have a career, to be a woman and a feminist. There is nothing wrong with that, I might say. They are worth goals; however, I think, at least for me, that those goals made me really busy. And I missed the signs that my personal relationship was not the most health one. I do believe that I missed the signs because it is much easier to screw up with your personal/love life than your professional life. And I will explain you why. See, in your professional life there is always someone to tell you that you are screwing up. And it is much clearer in this arena of your life to know and to understand that. I mean, it is clear that if you can’t keep up with the job someone will take it from you. The likely candidate is visible and the threat is imminent. This is totally different in your love life or personal life. I guess most of the time we full ourselves to think that we are in control. We, and I would like to say most of the time, can identify the signs that things are not heading to a pleasant direction. One thing I am not sure though is why we do not act, we seem paralyzed. And I guess there are many reasons though and they are not mutually exclusive. You can deny to yourself that you have failed to keep a relationship; you misunderstand the signs; you do not want to be lonely so you put up with it; and it is true, you might be dumb enough to not see it coming. It happens we are all humans. But what I really want to say is that sometimes, when life is happening, we shift our priorities, we forget to be vigilantes of our surroundings, we miss the mark. And then, yes, shit happens. So, you are caught up in a relationship that it is not going anywhere (it is important to note that you only understand that afterward), you postpone any resolution, you keep going, hoping I guess, that when you have more time you will think about it, you are going to deal with it. And it never happens. You are trying to be someone. You do not want to end up like your mother (no shame on that, but you want a career), you think that you have spent so much time and effort studying that you cannot stop and think about other things right now. The great thing, and the worse thing, about life is that somewhere, along the way, it catches you without a slight knock on your door. At first, you are caught up by surprise. What have happened? Didn’t I see it coming? And then, upon reflection, you realized that all the signs were there. That your friends, not so explicit like your boss in your professional life, suggested (they are always afraid to be clear) that he may not be the right guy for you. That you are both moving in different directions, that one needs to learn more about life and the other has learned about life but it is now trying to understand it. That we were in the same boat, trying to go to different places.


So now, my dear Aphrodite, I realized that I have been doing this all over again. I have been busy trying to be the superwomen. I have enjoyed it, honestly. But I am afraid that life will catch me somewhere along this road. Usually, I have a clue about what awaits for me; now, I am heading to a blind date. It is very scary. I have been so sure about my professional life; personally, I have been very unsure about my love life. Is there a compromise? I can’t see it. But it is my own fault. I have been busy and life has not given me time to think. It keeps moving, on its own pace. What do you think Simone would say?


Sorry for the delay.

With Love,

Athena